Life keeps moving on. It is kind of funny that way. Its unrelenting
march forward makes the times you would wish it would stop unbearable. That is the way I felt almost two years ago.
Samuel’s death was like a body blow followed with and uppercut. Life moved on
while I was on my knees. To this day I am not sure if I have actually truly grieved
his death. You see the fact that life moved on meant I could not stop and let
it pass me on by. I had children who needed me, a funeral to plan, and a job to
go back to. I am not blaming them it was just reality. I am now thinking I should have stopped
anyway, because I think that life is starting to pass me by anyway.
After two years I am realizing that
this is entirely unfair to my wife and kids because they have noticed long
before I was willing to admit this to myself. It is also not fair concerning
the ministry I am trying to start through this blog. So this post is sort of a
confessional. I am also asking for something that I generally do not ask for.
That is prayer for myself, that I can find the spark that I knew years ago,
that I will find the peace I am looking for, and that I will quit making
excuses to my self for not facing the reality of my son’s death.
